Dense Blog Advisory

Lots of words, people. Lots of words.

People Who Annoy Me: Kristen Stewart March 3, 2009

Okay, I hadn’t intended to write another one of these so soon, but this girl is pushing all my buttons lately. Full disclosure: I have read all the Twilight books, and LOVE them. I’m not picking on the books at all, nor on the movie in general. Just on her.

Kristen Stewart's mantra

Kristen Stewart's mantra

The first offense? Her  acting in Twilight. This was a decent movie that exceeded my expectations thanks to R-Patz, the guy who played Jacob’s dad, and the gorgeous scenery. But Kristen Stewart made the rest of it a glassy-eyed pout-a-thon. Her coldness, her emptiness, her snub-nosed snobbery, her lack of enthusiasm for anything about this movie…the silver screen transmitted it all, in living color.

The other actors had to work twice as hard to regain my attention after every scene she ruined. I loved Charlie, Jacob, and Jacob’s dad. Once they calmed down with the white makeup on R-Patz, I fell for him, too.  I felt like this world and these characters were real to them, but I NEVER felt that way with her. The whole way through, she seemed dead and disconnected. The franchise would be better off without her.

I read about an interview she gave where she complained about the stupid questions her fans ask at publicity events (“What’s it like to kiss a vampire?”). She wondered why these fans don’t know the difference between reel life and real life.

Apparently, she’s too damn dumb to realize that some people have such vivid imaginations that things on a page can be just as real to them (or more real) than what they experience in real life.  Is she really so dense she can’t appreciate the childlike wonder of these fans? That it might be the first and last time a pre-teen girl thinks of love without disillusionment? That it’s a good thing kids are reading at all?

Is she really that thoughtless and callous? Is the world really all about her, and her need to be asked existential questions on each stop of the press tour?  Perhaps she could point out to us all where it states in the actor’s job description that they shall only be asked “intelligent” questions. Perhaps someone should just bitch-slap her with a copy of Swann’s Way. I’d sure like to know if that’s what it would take to wipe that holier-than-thou smirk off her face.

Kristen Stewart's approved interview material

Kristen Stewart's approved interview material

Now, let’s talk about her father’s quote explaining her refusal to appear at the Oscars. To paraphrase, he replied: She’d do it for a movie that’s good, not just one that makes money. Well, if money means so little to her, I’m sure she’d gladly do New Moon for half the cash, right? And boy, if all successful movies are critical failures that suck ass, she must hate Kate Winslet for lowering herself to do Titanic. And she must really loathe Heath Ledger for giving his all to a Batman movie. God, how humiliating to win an Oscar for a comic book movie! A comic book movie! That’s only one step above a vampire movie, for Pete’s sake.

I have no sympathy for this bitch. The more she whines, the more she reveals herself as (a) stupid, (b) naïve, and (c) downright unprepared for her own damn job. She must have read the Twilight script before signing on. Why does she appear so mystified and disappointed that it’s a cheesy vampire movie? Did she not read the book? Or even the book jacket? Did she not realize that a low-budget vampire movie was probably not going to be of the same caliber as Doubt or Milk?

Of course, if she had half a brain, she might have chosen to scope out the Twilight universe before signing on. If she had, she might have seen how large a following the series has, how seriously people take it, and at that point, could have backed off if rabid fan adoration and/or hatred really wasn’t her cup of tea.  But she didn’t. She took the job and the money, and she is responsible for everything that goes along with it.

Oh, she whines, but someone should have told me how lame and stupid it is to be famous for a movie that blows! Bitch works in HOLLYWOOD, where LOTS OF PEOPLE are famous for being in movies they think blow. Open your eyes, you stupid parcel. Observe the shit that happens in front of you everyday. It’s life. Get over it.  Even Michelangelo and Leonardo took painting commissions to make money. It’s all part of being an artist, sweet cheeks. Don’t complain about the test because you were too lazy or stupid to do your homework.

She also seems mystified by the requirements of being in a hit movie: press, publicity, late show appearances. She mentioned that she has no great stories to tell on Letterman, and doesn’t know how to respond with witty banter. Hmm…just a thought…MAKE SHIT UP. ACT. IT’S WHAT YOU SUPPOSEDLY GET PAID TO DO. PRETEND THAT YOU GIVE A CRAP ABOUT A MOVIE THAT’S MADE YOU UNDESERVEDLY FAMOUS. Or DON’T DO LETTERMAN if you can’t do it without being a TOTAL DOUCHE BAG. She acts like she’s never seen another actor on Letterman shilling for a movie because it was a part of the job.  It’s like she believed they really did just drop by to chat because they have so much cool shit to say.

As for the horrible slave labor she’s being forced to endure as she slogs through press junkets, all I can say is BOO FUCKING HOO. Oh, you were in a hit movie, and people are so excited about it they want to share it with you. Oh, doesn’t that just suck.  Oh, isn’t it terrible that you’re young and rich and traveling the world on someone else’s dime, and don’t have a job that requires you to be chained to a desk for eight freakin’ hours!  Cry me a river, bitch.  Cry me a river.


3 Responses to “People Who Annoy Me: Kristen Stewart”

  1. Paco Bell Says:

    Love you summary, I’ve done this in the past and came to the exact same conclusion.

    One request, do your readers a favor and disable Snap Shots in your blog. It is the #3 most annoying thing on the web.

  2. indiakonstanze Says:

    Thanks for the tip! I disabled Snap Shots, so the only annoyance now should be from my writing.

  3. r Says:

    love this commentary! seriously, she could be gracious and not such a snot. this is what she signed up for. it’s nice to see the other members of twilight be extremely gracious in their interviews though. mabes she is still too young and in that wretched teen phase, where she knows it all… sigh…

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